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ALL IRISH COMEDY An Irish guide to surviving Australia


From Cork to Perth with a suitcase full of stories, globetrotting international Irish storyteller, Ronnie Neville is making his Fringe World debut this summer. He’s set to share tales of the bogs and streets of Ireland watered and grown on the floorboards of Irish pubs in All Irish Comedy, hitting Allstars at The Aberdeen Hotel from Friday, January 14 until Sunday, February 12. As the shows get underway in the opening weekend of Fringe, Ronnie Neville spoke to BRAYDEN EDWARDS to share his Irish guide to surviving Australia.

Food

Get stuck into kangaroo and potatoes. All the way, you have to give it a go. Go easy on the strange vegemite stuff, but you do have to give it a go. Wash it down with some Australian craft beer.

You won’t be long forgetting about Irish mackerel when you start eating the barramundi and snapper here plus fresh Tasmanian Oysters, so no need for viagra after a few of them bad boys. They’re absolutely delicious. Grandad will save a fortune!

Australia punches way above its weight when you meet Barbie! I thought Barbie was their Queen until I saw snag on the Barbie grab a stubby! That’s a beer!

Humour

Australians have  a great sense of humour because similar to the Irish we love taking the piss out of each other. When we tease each other it’s our way of saying “you’re alright mate! I like you!”

Drinking

The drinking speaks for itself. When we head out for the weekend there’s no stopping – the good times just keep on rolling until you fall out of that Uber. We all can share plenty of stories of starting off standing and being civilized and six hours later we’re on all fours crawling around. Not every weekend but we all have that strong memory of that time it happened us. Of course we will never let our friends forget when it happened to them. Back to taking the piss again!

Sport

Australia has the AFL, while Ireland has the Gaelic football and no other countries play these sports so we came together and we all remember them first games of international rules. Wow there were some punch ups. But I’m sure we all had a good shake hands and a few drinks after the game.

Australia is sports crazy. Jesus they love sports, which is absolutely amazing, as is the weather, the beach and buckets of suncream. Zinc on the nose and lips when you’re walking trying to be sexy looking like a mime. Perth’s sun is a different animal altogether it will cook your skin like a drunken Irish man trying to operate an Australian Barbie for the first time!

Language

I thought the Irish and Scottish are famous for speaking funny but the Australians are on a different level, especially when you head out of any major city and start hitting the regional local spots. You know you wouldn’t want to be deaf meeting some of the characters up in northern QLD. Lovely people but I don’t know what they’re saying and they’re looking at me thinking this Irish bloke sounds farce funny.

I think the Irish and Australians have taken the Queen’s English and poured it into a vitamix blender and popped in some gravel and whistles and maybe some sticky toffee and said “There you go, that’s an improvement on the English language. Now let’s see you talk proper English “mate!”

Opposite sex

333 and a third is what a group of girls in Perth first said to me 12 years ago straight off the bat. “Say it again, say it again!” they said. I said it to a loud roar of approval and clapping.

Great craic to be fair the Australian women there’s no messing around the bush if they like you they will say it straight away and if they don’t they will let you know straight away, which is great as you know where you stand. Hopefully not on your own, but you’re standing and not guessing.

And everyone is great craic to be fair! Australian women love sport as well and take it just as serious or even more so, and love a drink too. Great people, great country, great beer. All in all Australia is heaven but don’t forget the bucket of suncream.

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